- Role-play
- Rewards
- Rules
- Returns (optional)
Bedtime Rules (or bedtime manners)
Create a rewards/sticker chart with your child. If your child helps you make it, he/she will not only think it’s fun, but will have some ownership over it. Let your child choose one rule e.g. mum has to read me three stories at bedtime or, I get ten kisses when I go sleep (something that you know your child will love). When a child has some control over the rules being put in place, they will be more likely to comply with them. Talk to everyone close to the child (friends, family, kindy teacher,) in front of your child about what you are doing and the rules you’ve both made in an exciting and positive way. This will help your child know you have the expectation that he/she will be able to follow the rules.
Be confident, firm and make rules simple and positive. Examples of simple rules could include:
- Stay in bed
- Be quiet (like a mouse)
- Close your eyes.
Never use the word ‘don’t’ or tell the child he/she needs to go sleep, as this is too abstract for a child to undertsand. Stay positive at all times as this will be set your child up for success.
Rewards
- Move on from explaining the rules and let your child know very clearly the consequences for not following the rules, both positive and negative
- A positive consequence could be a reward such as a sticker or playing with a special toy
- A negative consequence could be things like a Silent Return or maybe mum will have to shut the door
- Younger children may need an immediate reward e.g. A sticker or stamp on the hand (make a big deal out of the stickers and show your child where they are waiting)
- Older children might use the reward poster and have to work towards a set amount of stickers on the poster to receive a reward like a small toy (put this on a shelf within the child’s sight), or pancakes for breakfast or a trip to the park
- Stick visual reminders like pictures or photos on the reward chart and refer to this often
- Fill your child full of praise when he/she earns a sticker and exaggerate everything
- Do not take stickers or rewards away from your child if the child has not followed through, and never use bribery
- Only use the rewards chart for 3 weeks
Role Play
Role-play can be effective with children from as young as nine months old. The idea is that you role-play the whole bedtime ritual with a toy or doll in your child’s room. You are showing your child what it is that you expect from them.
- Read the doll or toy a story, wrap it up or put in a sleeping bag and put it in a ‘bed’ on the floor (a pillow or cushion makes a great doll’s bed)
- If your child’s vocab is up to it, model to the child how to tell the doll the rules and then have your child repeat them. A younger child might ‘help’ you do this so you would say, “you need to stay in bed baby, be quiet and shut your eyes, and look at these special stickers you will get if you do this!”
- Leave the room with your child, shut the door and stand outside and pretend to ‘listen’
- Then say, “Oh listen, baby is staying in her bed, he’s such a clever, good boy so he’s going to get a Thomas sticker in the morning, wow!”
- Your child is seeing that you are outside the door and that you are very proud of the doll and that the doll will be rewarded for staying in bed
- In the morning, if your child has followed the rules, reward the child and the role play doll
- If your child did not follow the rules and he got out of bed overnight, you’d say, “unfortunately you got out of bed last night so there’s no Thomas sticker for you today. But look, baby doll stayed in bed all night so he’ll get a sticker.” Put a sticker on the doll’s hand, give a pretend high five to the doll and tell the doll how clever and what a good boy he is in front of your child and then leave the room without going on about it any further.
- Do this for a couple of weeks
Silent Returns
This is a great technique for a child who keeps getting out of bed. Every time your child gets out of bed, the child is immediately returned to bed. There is no talking, begging, growling or bribing involved, but parents should just say nothing. You need to remove all engagement or attention at bedtime, whether that’s positive (praise, begging etc.) or negative (growling, yelling etc.).
- You can go over the rules once to remind your child as you put him into bed the first time
- If you need to ‘up the ante’, you can tell your child that if he/she gets out of bed, you will have to shut the door for five minutes (this works well for children who don’t like their door shut)
- Be prepared that if you shut the door, your child might get out of bed and lie on the ground or kick the door screaming and yelling. Just ignore this behavior.
- After five minutes, silently return your child to the bed and repeat the warning that “if you get out of bed again, I’ll have to shut the door for five more minutes”.
- You may have to do Silent Returns for an hour or so on the first night, which means you may possibly have to do 60 to 80 Silent Returns!
- If your child gets out of bed and creeps into your room and bed in the middle of the night, you can put a little bell on his/her door, which will alert you that your child is out of bed so you are aware he/she is up before getting to your room. It’s best if you can intervene as close to the child’s door as possible.
- The most important thing is to stay consistent: do not chop and change parents, do not get angry or frustrated and just keep going, because the next night will be much better!
