Has anyone ever told you that your baby is incapable of self-settling or self-soothing?
This simply isn’t true. First of all, self-settling and self-soothing often get confused as one and the same but they are slightly different things. Having said that, they are closely connected so don’t get hung up on the actual words.
What is self-soothing?
Babies older than the newborn stage can learn to soothe themselves. This means that they can usually find a way to help relax, calm and settle themselves for sleep. To what extent a baby does this and in what way, will depend a on the child’s temperament and age. Examples of self-soothing techniques are things like sucking on a thumb or hand, holding a comfort object or making certain sounds. Some older babies will naturally rock their head side to side or bang their legs up and down on the mattress. These behaviours might look awkward to us adults but such rhythmic movement can be calming and soothing for a child.
What does it mean for baby to self-settle?
For a baby to self-settle means that the baby is able to fall asleep independently without needing external assistance from parents or caregivers. This skill involves the baby calming themselves and transitioning from being awake to asleep, without relying on being rocked, fed or held (for example). Key aspects of self-settling include:
- Independence in falling asleep: Baby can fall asleep on his (or her) own without needing parental assistance such as being fed, rocked, bounced etc.
- Resettling during night wakings: If baby wakes up during the night, he can settle himself back to sleep without requiring external comfort. Baby transitions between sleep cycles seamlessly, like we do as adults.
- Calming techniques: Babies may use various self-soothing techniques such as those mentioned above.
Successful self-settling can be influenced by a variety of factors.
So … What is THE SECRET to self-settling?
Strategies parents might use to encourage self-settling include:
1. Develop a consistent bedtime routine.
Establish a predictable and calming bedtime routine to help baby relax and prepare for sleep. It’s a signal for baby that it’s time to sleep.
2. Create a comfortable sleep environment.
Ensure baby’s sleep space is safe, comfortable and conducive to sleep. Consider the temperature and darkness of the room.
3. Include positive sleep associations in the sleep routine.
Things like a swaddle, sleeping bag, white noise and comforter (age dependent).
4. Focus on an age-appropriate nap routine.
A child is more likely to settle easily to sleep if they’ve had a balanced amount of day sleep. Overtired and under tired babies don’t settle easily.
5. Put baby to bed ready for sleep but awake.
Drowsiness is the first stage of sleep so avoid baby becoming too drowsy before being put down. Your baby needs to be aware of his surroundings as he gets put into bed so that if he wakes in the night, he won’t be wondering where he is and why he’s not in his parent’s arms, where he went to sleep in the first place.
6. Use Gradual Withdrawal.
Over time, gradually reduce the level of assistance given to baby to allow him to take over the process of falling asleep. Patience and consistency are key with this as you work towards helping your baby learn to self-settle. Avoid chopping and changing what you do, as this can be confusing for your child. Your child needs time to learn something new, so be patient.
Perspective is ‘THE SECRET’!
This is it. It’s the clincher.
This is what will be the decider when it comes to being successful with teaching self-settling. It’s the basis for a child being able to learn how to be separate from parents not just when it comes to sleep but in any area of life. Perspective means the way you see a situation. It forms your beliefs and attitudes. It determines how you will respond to your child’s needs and wants. It determines the value you put on your own needs and wants as well. Your mindset plays an important role in how quickly your child will learn to self-settle. Do you believe that what your child needs most of all at night is sleep? Do you believe that your needs are just as important as your child’s? Do you believe that it’s okay to allow your child to struggle in the context of the loving relationship that you have? Parents need to have the confidence to allow their child to self-settle and to trust that their baby is capable of sleeping independently, with their support.
In conclusion …
Self-settling is an important milestone in a baby’s sleep development and can lead to longer and more consistent sleep patterns. It’s a skill that can take time to develop. Children will develop this skill at different rates but the main indicator as to how quickly they learn to sleep on their own is dependent on parental input (what parents do). This is great news! It means parents have a lot of influence over how their child sleeps. It’s not about chance. Perspective is THE SECRET and this might mean a change in mindset is necessary. Parents need to have the confidence and conviction to allow their child to self-settle and to trust that their baby is capable of sleeping independently, with their support.
Need more help teaching baby to self-settle?
Send an email to Tori: torimac@allabloutsleep.com.au
